Broken Doll

~~When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
So she ran away in her sleep
and dreamed of paradise~~

Coldplay- Paradise

These past days I feel a little bit like a broken doll...

That used to be a sad feeling but now it's okay!
I want times to be the same only I also want to live my dream.

I'm looking forward to the future, I'm not afraid anymore about who I really want to be or want I want to do.

Still I'm a little bit afraid to say goodbye to life today.

I'm not afraid to work hard for what I want to be but I know that it's something I really want.

This time I do not hope for something, I know it's going to be okay.

I'm just waiting for that one letter or email to arrive...

And then.. I need to arrange lots of things.. so wish me luck! ^__^
I hope I find a place to live, that would make things easier.

You can say it's just a little change, I don't think so... it will be hard because I have to start over all alone, like again..

I do NOT like that, only I think it will be easier because it's something I really want..

It's not going to be easy to leave and even if I won't leave there will be many changes, but I still will be there for my friends so that's something that won't change.

Please do not be afraid of that!

I guess some people know where I'm talking about, some don't know..

It's fine if you aks ^_~

This was kind of personal?! Yeah.. I need to tell this.. it's something on my mind..

What has this to do with my blog, Lolita and BJD's, a lot for sure.

First of all time, I won't have much time for things, I will have enough time to go to meetings and such but I have less time for my blog.

That means it could be right that I will post less on my blog from May, and little by little I will post less.

That doesn't mean I will stop blogging, I have to find out how much time I have and then figure out how I can use the time usefully.

I have many great things in mind, please don't worry my lovely followers!

About Lolita and BJD, I'm older now which doesn't mean I will stop with it.

Only I believe I realized my dreams already on that subject.

I do have dream dolls and dream dresses which I do not have, only do I want to have everything?

Of course not, that's really materialistic, I guess people are going to laugh about it, but I'm not a materialistic person.

I just want to follow my dreams, and 4 years ago I had a dream to wear lolita clothing and own ball jointed dolls, go to meetings and live the 'princess life'.

Now I have other dreams, I want to see more of the world and I more sure about what I want kind of job I want to have.

I want to open my eyes for other things, because there is so much more in life.

I don't want to stick to one (fashion) style, I want more..

I love lolita but I love more then just lolita.

A few weeks ago I fell in love with visual kei again, I also want to try pastel goth and I still want to try gyaru and cyber.

And the thing I want the most is designing and making my own outfit for the EFF.

So why won't I do that?! I will, I will...

I said it before I want to travel more, I feel I need to do that.

I want to see, pretty places and learn from other cultures.

That's why my first goal (for travelling) is going to Japan now.

I also want to go to New Zealand and travel through Europe by train.

* Money tree, please?!*

I want so many things~~

I girl can wish right? I don't want to look back on my life and regret the things I did not do!

I don't want

Only there is no reason to be afraid that I will stop wearing lolita or that I will sell my BJD's,

I love all of those clothes/those dolls so much! <3

I just want to be happy and now I have other dreams, I want those dreams to come true.

So I still wear lolita, but I won't buying anything big, because I want to have money for more important things! The same for dolls..

I'm sure this will be difficult for me, only I'm pretty sure it's going to happen..

Just small things, that won't be that difficult?

*Yes, here I go again, I need to stop this*

So, I still going to (annoy people at) meetings, wear lolita, make clothes for my dolls, and other things I do now.

And my friends and family will always be on the first place..

I just have a less time and I won't buy anything big after today.

I bought my last lolita item recently, which is going to arrive next week.

It's one of my dream dresses *_*

More about that soon~~~

This was really personal, I hope you don't mind!

And I'm sorry new followers, soon more happy and less personal post but I had to tell this.
Next time the lockshop review, I'm working on that now. ^__^

All the pictures in this post are inspiration pictures and places I like!