zaterdag 28 april 2012

Broken Doll

~~When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
So she ran away in her sleep
and dreamed of paradise~~

Coldplay- Paradise

These past days I feel a little bit like a broken doll...
That used to be a sad feeling but now it's okay!
I want times to be the same only I also want to live my dream.
I'm looking forward to the future, I'm not afraid anymore about who I really want to be or want I want to do.
Still I'm a little bit afraid to say goodbye to life today.
I'm not afraid to work hard for what I want to be but I know that it's something I really want.
This time I do not hope for something, I know it's going to be okay.
I'm just waiting for that one letter or email to arrive...
And then.. I need to arrange lots of things.. so wish me luck! ^__^
I hope I find a place to live, that would make things easier.
You can say it's just a little change, I don't think so... it will be hard because I have to start over all alone, like again..
I do NOT like that, only I think it will be easier because it's something I really want..
It's not going to be easy to leave and even if I won't leave there will be many changes, but I still will be there for my friends so that's something that won't change.
Please do not be afraid of that!
I guess some people know where I'm talking about, some don't know..
It's fine if you aks ^_~

This was kind of personal?! Yeah.. I need to tell this.. it's something on my mind..
What has this to do with my blog, Lolita and BJD's, a lot for sure.
First of all time, I won't have much time for things, I will have enough time to go to meetings and such but I have less time for my blog.
That means it could be right that I will post less on my blog from May, and little by little I will post less.
That doesn't mean I will stop blogging, I have to find out how much time I have and then figure out how I can use the time usefully.
I have many great things in mind, please don't worry my lovely followers!
About Lolita and BJD, I'm older now which doesn't mean I will stop with it.
Only I believe I realized my dreams already on that subject.
I do have dream dolls and dream dresses which I do not have, only do I want to have everything?
Of course not, that's really materialistic, I guess people are going to laugh about it, but I'm not a materialistic person.
I just want to follow my dreams, and 4 years ago I had a dream to wear lolita clothing and own ball jointed dolls, go to meetings and live the 'princess life'.
Now I have other dreams, I want to see more of the world and I more sure about what I want kind of job I want to have.

I want to open my eyes for other things, because there is so much more in life.
I don't want to stick to one (fashion) style, I want more..
I love lolita but I love more then just lolita.
A few weeks ago I fell in love with visual kei again, I also want to try pastel goth and I still want to try gyaru and cyber.
And the thing I want the most is designing and making my own outfit for the EFF.
So why won't I do that?! I will, I will...
I said it before I want to travel more, I feel I need to do that.
I want to see, pretty places and learn from other cultures.
That's why my first goal (for travelling) is going to Japan now.
I also want to go to New Zealand and travel through Europe by train.
* Money tree, please?!*

I want so many things~~
I girl can wish right? I don't want to look back on my life and regret the things I did not do!
I don't want
Only there is no reason to be afraid that I will stop wearing lolita or that I will sell my BJD's,
I love all of those clothes/those dolls so much! <3
I just want to be happy and now I have other dreams, I want those dreams to come true.
So I still wear lolita, but I won't buying anything big, because I want to have money for more important things! The same for dolls..
I'm sure this will be difficult for me, only I'm pretty sure it's going to happen..
Just small things, that won't be that difficult?
*Yes, here I go again, I need to stop this*

So, I still going to (annoy people at) meetings, wear lolita, make clothes for my dolls, and other things I do now.
And my friends and family will always be on the first place..
I just have a less time and I won't buy anything big after today.
I bought my last lolita item recently, which is going to arrive next week.
It's one of my dream dresses *_*
More about that soon~~~

This was really personal, I hope you don't mind!
And I'm sorry new followers, soon more happy and less personal post but I had to tell this.
Next time the lockshop review, I'm working on that now. ^__^

All the pictures in this post are inspiration pictures and places I like!

9 opmerkingen:

  1. Now I'm really curious about that letter or e-mail you're waiting for. I also hope you will find a place for your own. It's not easy to live all by yourself, but win time it will get better. I'm not completely sure what it's all about, but if I'm alloed to know, than I would like to know as well. ^^

    I'm glad you will still wear lolita, and go to meet-ups! And it's good that you also want to try out other fashion styles. Thay way you have more diversity and more changes. Look forward to see you wearing some cyber outfit!

    Travelling around the world, and learn about other cultures is very interesting and very amazing to do. I hope you will be able to do so in the future ♥

    Also curious about that dreamdress of yours!

    And even though you will be on your blog lesser and lesser, we will all keeo an eye out for a new post, every now and then. And I truly hope your dreams will come true ♥

  2. I'm waiting for the a letter or email from school, I'm going studying again. (at least, I hope so!) Next year I will be studying Cultural Heritage in Amsterdam, that's why there is a great possibility that I have to move to Amsterdam..
    I'm really looking forward to it, because it's something I really want to do only I have to start over again without people I know and I maybe I have to live on my own there..
    I don't that will be easy.. but I think it's worth to try it.. If you don't try anything at all you will never know if you like it in the end!
    Only it's very difficult to find a place there, I'm pretty sure I have to travel the first half year every day to Amsterdam, that means every day 4 hours with the train >.< That means, there will only be time for school, one day for work and one day free time for the first half year and maybe that day will be for my homework O_o
    I think I'm going to have less time for visiting my friends,family and less time for my hobby's. But I don't want to study something I don't like, just like last time.. because studying is very expensive and I don't want to study something which I think meh I don't like it..

    I want to see more of the world, which means I have to save up, so I have to keep my job(s). There are so many places I want to see and I think it's lovely to learn from other cultures because there is so much to learn from that! And I just love travelling, can't help it..
    I think it's because I'm easily bored, I saw nearly everything that's interesting (what I think) here in Holland. Still I really love it around here, but I would love to see other places!

    And about lolita and meet-ups, I love lolita and going to meet-ups is great. I'm not going to give that up! It's very lovely to do, I'm just saving some money from not buying dolls or dresses/complete outfits, I still can make my own outfits for myself or my dolls. And my first goal is Japan, I would be crazy not buying a pretty dress there.*and I already know which one xD*
    Only I don't want to go there only for fashion and stuff like that.. the main reason is the culture.
    I'm looking forward to wear other styles too, I'm little bit insecure about that because I don't know as much about cyber and gyaru as lolita but I the beginning I didn't know much about lolita. I'm sure it will be okay, at least I'm going to try.

    I'm also very curious about my dreamdress, I have never seen it in real life before. I'm sure I will like it! It's my secret dreamdress, I wanted it for 3 years I right after I started wearing lolita. When I couldn't get it, I was to late for the release, I was so angry..
    I just wanted to forget about the dress, but now it's going to be mine~~ I'm so happy! ^___^
    It's jewelry jelly btw~~

    Thank you! ^__^ I hope so! And I will make the post on my blog as interesting as possible! And maybe I will have some more time.. I will see... time will tell me!

    1. Aw I remember you telling that! I really hope you will find a place there soon then! And yes, with a new study you will have less time to see friends/family, and less time to do fun things. But, if this study is the right one for you, you should go for it ^^ Education is very important, and if this is what you really like, than you should do it!

      I understand you're being a bit insecure about trying those other styles, because you don't know alot about it, but I'm sure that will change, if you look up about it some more. And you can always also ask people that know about those styles for some tips and such. ^^

      And very cool that you're able to get that dreamdress, Im sure it will very adorable on you ♥

    2. I hope so! I'm sure it will be okay, but I know it won't be easy for sure..

      I will look up more about it and I guess I will try some of those fashions and learn more about it. The same as I did with lolita!

      Thank you! I can't wait, just a few days and my dream dress will be mine :D

  3. If you leave me I'm seriously going to cry, I will miss you too much it's hard I know and I hope you will do fine because I think you should study what you want and not something because it's near by home! But you already knew that.

    I'm still wondering one thing WHY DON'T WE GET THAT MONEY TREE :( The gepofterijstboompitjes simply don't work!

    And I know what it is to like many (fashion) styles I have the same problem and I still want to make a combination that makes me me...

    I can't tell you it often enough, just stay yourself because you're great who you are and just try it out and see if it is you, if it isn't that well a shame but then it isn't. Be creative and be who you are ^^

    1. I'm going to miss you too!
      Leaving my friends behind is the most difficult thing about this, I think..
      Of course I will come back many times but it's just different.
      I got the chance to do the same close to home, I would do that, sadly that's not going to happen.

      Hahaha, yeah, the money tree, I don't know? Maybe because money doesn't make you happy and being without (much) money makes you creative? Something like that, hahaha!
      I have to admit it would make things much easier!

      So many nice styles, it difficult to pick one, I just going to wear what I like ^__^

      And thank you so much, that's makes me happy! And I have to do this for myself, if I won't do this, I'm going to regret it.. I don't want that.

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