dinsdag 28 juni 2011

'Bad Kids'

Today I'm going to talk about parents and lolita because I read a post from a girl on the lolita forum.
I think it's only a 'problem' for the younger lolita's.
My meaning of this post isn't to show that parents, don't have the rights to forbit you to wear lolita.
In the end it's up to them!
I can understand that some parents don't want their kids to wear lolita, but forbit something isn't always the right thing to do.
I want to give some tips to the young lolita's and newbee lolita's and I'm going to tell experience as a young lolita.
( I started wearing lolita when I was 14 years old)

I hope this post is useful. ~~

1. Don't keep it a secret
Parents don't like secrets, when they find out you do something secretly they might be more angry about it when you just tell it to them.

2. Tell them what lolita exactly is.
The word lolita is very confusing.
You don't want your parents to think about lolita like the book from Vladimir Nobokov. It totally isn't like that!
Lolita is a japanese fashion style, you don't wear the style because you want to look sexy.
Maybe it's useful to call it gothic lolita like the most lolita's do.
You can tell them about the different styles and the history of lolita ect.

Show them pitures and videos there are lots of lolita documantaries on the internet.

3. You are not the only one.
They exist the other lolita girls. (even guys)
It's useful and fun to sign yourself in to a lolita forum!
When your parents know that you are not the only one, they might be more understanding.
Maybe it's a good thing to invite a local lolita to tell them about the style or to ask advice on a lolita forum.

4. Watch out with the more extreme lolita styles
OTT lolita, deco lolita,guro lolita ect. are very extreme lolita styles.
Your parents may be disturbed when you tell them you want to wear styles like that.
You can't wear those styles every day, it isn't always comfortable and people will stare at you and call you wierd names.( I'm not making this up)
Those styles are more suitable for the weekends and meetups.
Your parents want to protect you from that, so don't be angry with them when they forbit you to wear it on 'normal days'.

When you want to wear one of styles really badly, you can always start with wearing one of the other styles and when they are used to it, you can start decorate it! ^_~

5. The prices
Lolita isn't cheap, you can't buy 3 dresses in a month or a whole wardrobe in a year.
Don't compare yourself to other people.
It's better to start with a cheap dress, one from bodyline, taobao or a secondhand dress.
You can always buy a brand dress!
I think your parents will understand it more when you buy a cheap dress first.
You can tell them you want to find out if the style really is the suitable style for you.
Or you can make a list of the dresses/items you really want and after that saving up for that

items. (Don't change the list, that's not fair :P)
You can find a part time job when you have enough time for it.
When you work for your own money,you understand the price of something.
You have to work very hard for a lolita dress, don't think your parents are going to give you one!
Most of the parents want their kids to understand the value of money.

You are more likely to be able to buy a dress when you have a part time job.

6. Lolita is like hobby (or a lifestyle, please save that for later)
The youth always wants to stand out, that's normal.
Most of the youth wants to go out, shopping for clothes or things like that. Lolita is nearly the same, a lolita buys clothes (most of the time online) and most of the lolita's go often to meetups.
Some people collect things, other people like to go out in the weekends and some people want to wear lolita.
I don't think there is anything wrong with one of these things!

7. Wearing lolita
You don't have to wear lolita every day, that's nearly impossible for the most lolita's.
Make a promis with your parents about wearing lolita.
For example: Only wearing lolita in the weekends and holidays.
You can always change this after some time or maybe there is no need to.

8. There are worse thing you can do
Lolita is especially about clothes, it isn't something illegal. :P

9. Meetups
If your parents don't trust the meetup they can go with you.
I don't mean the whole day, just bring you to the meet up and be present from a distance.
When you go to the meet they can shop, so they are in the neighborhood.
Don't let them join the meet, it's a lolita meet not a parents of lolita's meet :P
Don't let them ask other ones to baby-sit, the other lolita don't like that! ^_~

                                          (An example of a lolita meeting)
10. All of this doesn't work?
I feel sad for you! It so much fun to wear lolita and meet other lolita's, I hope your parents will understand it very soon.
Be patient, don't get angry with your parents.
They want to protect you from the evil world.
( sorry, I like to say that)
If you get angry they definitely won't let you wear lolita!

Tell them it's something you really want, in the end for them lolita is just a fashion style, for the most lolita's does it mean a lot more.

My parents:

My mom was really against it first, especially because of the prices.
And she didn't like the gothic style,she had the same prejudices about lolita as about gothic.
You know... being depressed, always wearing black, don't have friends all those wierd ridiculious things which are not true!

My dad didn't care about it, until I was 14 years old I collected toys I think he was happy about me wearing lolita because he thought of it as a sort of growing up. ( lolita a being grown up hihihi :P)
Unfortunately my dad had nothing to say about me because my parents are divorced, I see my dad only on monday.
But I began to save money for buying a lolita outfit and I bought my first outfit a few months after that, I was so happy when I went to Mfashion.
My mom saw that I was so happy and that was the moment see became to understand why I wanted to wear lolita. (because of personal circumstances at that time I wasn't been able to be that happy for a long time as back then)
After a few years ( I think two years) her view on lolita changed dramatic, she accept me to wear lolita fashion.
But I think she is still a little bit ashamed when I wear sweet lolita, when I wear sweet lolita she don't want to go anywhere with me.
That's kind of annoying but I understand it a little bit. I won't stop me from wearing lolita :P
I think it's a little bit funny my mom wants me to wear gothic lolita instead of sweet lolita.

Thank you for reading all this! ^_^

9 opmerkingen:

  1. a really intresting post!
    I started wearing lolita around the age of 15. Before that I looked at dresses for a year.

    My mother likes anything I do (and what my brother does). He wears gothic clothes so in our family it's not something weird to dress different.
    My dad absolutely hates lolita! He think it's super ugly and that it's just another 'fase' I'll grow tired off soon (loving lolita for 3 years now). But he would never forbid me to wear anything I like.
    That is the way I've been raised, everybody is different en you should respect them for that.
    So I just ignore him. Only sometimes he does compliment some of the dresses I made. At my last dress he said: I love the shape of the dress and the overall look but I just don't like the fabric.
    That he supports me is enough for me.

    I hope other people find your post useful and can confine there parents that lolita isn't so bad!

  2. Like Miradell said,a very interesting post. ^^
    I was lucky enough for not having any troubles with this fashionstyle. I wear it for 3 years now, and I'm still loving it. ♥

    I'm glad to hear your mother saw how happy lolita made you, and that she accepted it ^^

  3. @Simone:
    Thank you! ^_^
    I found out what lolita was when I was at the ago of 12, that's so young I think.

    My mom loves lolita only at the beginning it was a problem because of the price and her prejudices.
    My dad likes lolita too but he likes sweet lolita more than gothic.
    I feel bad for you that your dad don't like lolita but he supports you anyway that's so nice of him!
    My mom thought it also was a fase, it probably is a very long fase :P ( I also love/wear lolita for 3 years)

    I hope this post will help other people ^_^

    @Denise: Thanks! :D
    Lucky you! I feel so sad for people who can't wear lolita because their parents won't let them wear it...
    Wow there are many of lolita's who wear lolita for 3 years :P

  4. Well I'm glad your mother liked it after all! And she can live with it now.

    Well don't feel bad! I don't mind it at all, it's just a matter of taste and my dad always acts like that. But he supports me in his own way and that's good.

  5. I happy about that! It makes it all a lot easier! ^^

    Then it is ok! I think it's very nice of him to support you even he doesn't like the style!

  6. Parents are always a bit of a problem. My dad is actually very supportive of me, totally didn't see that one coming! Whereas my mom is the one who is a bit iffy me wearing the fashion. For some reason she has put it in the same category as my cosplay stuff, wich did once or twice XD. She likes but thinks of it as more of a costume than a fashion. But other than that they don't really care they're like your 18 now go do whatever you want. My sister on the other hand is the one complaining about me wearing lolita, it's funny actually. She is our resident fashionista and dislikes almost everything that doesn't appear in fashion magazines. Then I bring in the age old argument I'm older that you so shut up :p

    But I can see age being a problem for some of the girls. If you're younger, sad but true, your parents do have more to say about you can and cannot do. That set aside, you have written some great tips!

  7. Thank you! ^^
    Hahaha parents are always a problem when you talk about different things than the mainstream.
    That's nice that your dad is very supportive!
    It's not so nice your mom thinks lolita is the same as cosplay but I can understand it a little bit. If you don't know about lolita, it's very alike cosplay.
    I think most of the sisters will complain about each other :P

    You're right about the age thing, like you said when your are 18 years, you can decide what you want to wear. When you are (very) young your parentes can forbit you to wear lolita.

  8. Ik ben echt een van de weinigen wier ouders niet moeilijk deden over het feit dat ik lolita wilde dragen haha. (prepare voor een lang verhaal)

    Mijn moeder is dominee, dus ik ben in een redelijk streng christelijk gezin opgegroeid. Elke zondag naar de kerk, bidden voor het eten, enzovoort. Maar toen ik 9 was, raakte ik totaal verslingerd aan Avril Lavigne. Ik was al anders dan de andere kinderen (extreem verlegen), en dit maakte het nog erger. Ik werd gepest, maar muziek van Avril Lavigne maakte me blij. Ik wilde net als haar petticoats en kistjes dragen. Mijn moeder zei dat het nooit ging gebeuren. Maar ik ging steeds verder de alternatieve muziekscene in, luisterde ook naar punkbandjes, metal enzovoort. En later industrial, darkwave, j-rock, dark cabaret enzovoort. Toen ik nog erg veel metal en punk luisterde, begon ik veel bandshirts te dragen van de bands en dan gecombineerd met skatebroeken. Ook Sinister gothic jurken en kisten dienden zich later aan. Tot ik lolita ontdekte. Toen wilde ik lieve jurkjes dragen, maar wel allemaal zwart en spooky. Mijn ouders waren al zoveel gewend, dat ze het niet eens erg vonden. Ik moest wel zelf alles betalen, maar ik spaarde hard, dus dat kon ook :)
    Ze zeggen weleens : "Aah, die schoenen zijn echt te hoog, ik vind ze spuuglelijk.", maar ze verbieden me nooit om het aan te trekken. Ze zijn er ook wel achter ondertussen dat lolita geen fase is, nu ik het al 3 jaar draag. Mijn kast hangt vol met loli jurkjes en ik word er elke dag blij van. Dat zien mijn ouders ook en daarom hebben ze er ook geen enkel probleem mee.

  9. Dat is wel fijn dat je ouders niet zo moeilijk deden over dat je lolita ging dragen! Maar wel vervelend dat je eerst die kleding die je wilde dragen niet mocht dragen.

    Wel fijn dat je ouders er nu geen problemen mee hebben ook al zijn ze het er eigenlijk niet helemaal mee eens! Maar ja, je spaart er zelf ook hard voor, dus is het denk ik ook wel goed. Dan zagen je ouders ook wel dat je het echt wilde dragen. ^_~

    Mijn moeder denkt eigenlijk nog steeds wel een beetje dat het een fase is, ook al ben ik er al een hele tijd mee bezig. Het is af en toe wel irritant dat ze zegt dat het wel overgaat :P